Yesterday I sat down to write the story of the past few days at least 5 times. I just couldn't do it. I have dealt with so much guilt throughout this pregnancy and now delivery, it has been so different than the stories of my other 3 children. Selah deserves the very best I have, and I mistakingly let the guilt sink in yesterday as I realized I wasn't posting on Facebook, I wasn't blogging, I wasn't taking pictures...

And that's another reason why God sent my sweet friend "A" into my life! I woke up this morning to the most amazing email from her, and her perspective on Selah's birth story! What an awesome sense of peace to know He will provide exactly what I need through all of this...

BIRTH STORY-Alyssa's Persepective

I witnessed a miracle. The orchestration of the birth of Selah, is nothing short of a miracle. The way God’s hand was in every single little detail is practically incomprehensible. This delivery did not go according to our earthly plans but it did go according to His master plan.

Months ago I felt this inexplainable desire to be at the delivery of my friend, Britni’s baby. I never said anything to her, because although we were good friends, we weren’t the very best intimate type of friend that you would invite to your birth. One day she told me, “I feel like you have a connection to this baby.” “Oh my word! I feel the same way!” I could hardly contain my excitement. I asked her to be at the delivery and she said, “you have to be!” Her hubby approved it and on we went with our lives.

As the due date slowly approached, I looked at my calendar and wondered how in the world I was ever going to be able to follow through with our birth-attending plan with my daycare children, husband’s busy work schedule, family in town, and my own nursing baby at home. I prayed for the timing of the birth of this baby - of course I prayed selfishly, but also for the timing for Britni as she also has a lot on her plate (she’s moving!).

Fast forward to 6.11.11. I woke up at a little after 1:00am and saw a few missed texts from Britni.

June 10, 2011 11:14 PM

“Still 5 min apart and getting bad...called midwife and she said oh is closed, they are full.”

June 10h, 2011 11:41 PM

“It’s go time!!!” And I had more beans at dinner tonight...this is gonna be bad.”

I panic, I laugh, I ask Eric if I can go to the hospital. I throw on my jeans from the day before and head out the door wondering if I may have missed it all! I pray the entire way to the hospital. The very hospital where I’ve delivered 3 precious babies.
I arrive at the hospital, get my picture taken for my security sticker and head up to the 3rd floor. Hubert buzzes me in and tells me “You DON’T want to be in there.” I ask him to please call the room because they wanted me there for the delivery. My mind is racing, “Why can’t I be in there? Did she lose the baby? Is she pushing the baby out at this very instant? Has something gone terribly wrong?...” Hubert gets permission for me to go into the room.

I enter the room. There is laughter. There is joy. Britni tells me that nurse Kelly is her dear friend and stayed late just so Brit could come to St Francis even though they were technically “full.” Wow, what a good friend. Kenny is updating the blog on his phone. Britni’s other friend, Laura, is getting ice water for Brit and making sure she’s comfy.

We laugh, we pray Britni through painful medicine-less contractions, we laugh some more, we spray industrial strength air freshener (remember the bean comment), I photograph and try to keep my view G rated.
Things start picking up a little bit. The midwife comes in and check Britni. The nurse checks Britni. The midwife checks Britni again. “What do you feel?” “What do you feel?”
Baby is not quite in the right position so the midwife and nurse get Britni out of bed, and have her do lunges with her leg up on the edge of the bed. By this time, there is no more laughing, there is much more praying and I’ve given up on my G rated view. The midwife thinks this could be it, baby might just come while Britni is standing. Britni begs for pain meds, but Theresa, the midwife, attempting to honor Brit’s original request to go with out meds encourages her to try to lunges a bit more.

Lunges don’t work. Brit gets back in bed and they check her again, nurse, midwife, nurse, midwife. “The nose is this way?” “The cheek is that way?” “I feel the cheek.” “Yes, I do too.”
Ok, let’s push. I’m not really sure if the goal was to push the baby out at this time or just to push the baby into a better position. They finally order Britni an epidural. “It’s ok Britni, an epidural is on the way. Let’s just try pushing one more time.”
“Where is the epidural?” ... “How long has it been since I ordered the epidural?”

“Where’s the midwife?”... “Can you please see where the midwife is?”

“Can you check her again?” ... “What are you feeling?”

“We need to page the doctor.” ... “We need to page the doctor again.” “We need to page Dr. Jenkins.”...
Things are unclear. I’m snapping pictures. I’m praying out loud. I’m singing “How Great is our God” to myself while I stand out of the way in the corner. Another nurse comes in. The anesthesiologist comes in. “We need to prep the OR.”
Finally the midwife gets ahold of the doctor, “Baby is face presentation, we’re prepping the OR.” My breath stops. My mind is reeling. “Face presentation.” “Prep the OR.” Britni is going to have a c-section. Brit didn’t see this coming. Britni is so calm. Wow. I’m totally surprised.

“Face presentation.” “Prep the OR.” I’ve heard those words before. It’s almost as if I’m witnessing the birth of my first born son all over again. What are the chances? Funny you ask because Wikipedia says that face presentation frequency ranges from 1/500-1/1250.
The nurses kick Laura and I out of the room. We wait at the end of the hall. We pray. We make small talk. We pray. We watch. We photograph. We wait. We pray. We wait. We pray over the recovery room. We wait. The seconds literally tick by.
A little after 3:00 am I hear the most beautiful sound. The scream of a newborn baby. We watch the doorway with anticipation and are filled with joy as the proud father walks into the room, pushing his precious baby girl in the bassinet with the hugest smile on his face. Kenny’s eyes are filled with love for his 3rd daughter but I can still see the pain and concern for his beautiful wife whom he left in the OR by herself. When Britni was rolled through those same doors she was alert, smiling the best she could and just trying to process the events of the past few moments. It was a whirlwind. It was a calculated frenzy to ensure a healthy baby. Britni was in the best of hands... and the best of Hands.
This is only the beginning of “God’s Selah Story.” This story is just one of God’s miracles. This story isn’t just one miracle, it’s a string of them. Nurse Kelly is Britni’s Godly friend. Britni and I share this unique birth experience. The birth of a healthy baby. The love of a faithful husband. The skilled hands of nurses, midwifes and surgeons. The encouragement of Christian caregivers. The outpouring of love by concerned friends.
I can see these amazing miracles (and I’m sure there are many more I can’t see) and how God orchestrated this precious event. What I’m still waiting to see, and it may not come here on earth is, “why?” I bet God has a really cool answer for that question. My own “why” questions after my “face presentation emergency c-section” experience are starting to be answered; so that I could walk alongside my dear friend 4 years later as she experienced this very same traumatic event.
This is God’s plan and we can find peace knowing that “God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)


Stretched to Capacity

It's 5am. I'm sitting in a hospital bed. Everything hurts.

And I am so happy...because I am finally feeling again.

Apologies to those that have been checking in to read the story I promised many hours ago. Until this moment, I had no desire to find the words to use that would be required to tell the story of the past 48 hours.

I have been stretched by God in every way through this pregnancy. Seems silly that I thought He would be done once labor began. But He wasn't even close to done with me yet. I have been given the opportunity to grow in many ways over these past few days, and I wake up today with assurance that He will guide me through the healing and recovery I seek.

During Mackenzi's hospitalization for her spinal tumor 2 years ago, I learned that putting words to the scary experience and sharing them with others through Caring Bridge was my coping mechanism. It was a way for me to process an event I couldn't quite comprehend in the moment.

Well, I'm going to try that again. I have a lot of processing to do. But first, I need a nap! The random 7 hours of sleep I have had since giving birth is not going to be enough to get me through this post!



(This post is written by Brit's amazing friend "A")

 Selah Nash
"Be still and listen." 
Born 6.11.11
7lbs 14 oz
19.5 inches

Her name was placed on Brit's heart months ago and now as she holds this precious baby in her arms, this gift from God could not have been more perfectly named.
She is peaceful and snuggly.
She's a good nurser and a good pooper.
Selah fits perfectly in her mothers arms and nuzzles in her neck.
When mom or dad speak she strains to look at them.
She is alert and doesn't want to miss a beat.
She wears at least 3 outfits a day and already has 4 huge floral headbands.
Her dark hair is thick and fluffy.
Mom is glowing and Dad's face shows nothing but pride.
Although the delivery did not go as planned, this baby is exactly what God has planned.
Selah is healthy and strong.  Mom is on the road to recovery.  The hospital staff are empathetic, attentive and compassionate.  The room is filled with prayer, laughter, tears, farts, joy, music, pizza, friends, family, diet coke, double stuffed el fudge, cameras, a fan, gift bags, redbox movies and pink blankets.  Most of all her room is filled with love.  Their cups are overflowing.   Thank you Lord for this precious miracle.  



Has arrived! 7lbs 14 oz...that's all the details for now! Not the way we planned, Brit was rushed to an emergency c-section. It all happened so fast, I'm not really sure what to say. We can post more after talking with the staff tomorrow. For now, Brit needs to just recover from another traumatic delivery. Visitors will be welcome on Sunday!

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We are at the Hospital!

We arrived at the hospital just after midnight. Contractions have been going steady for a few hours. Her water has broken and things have started getting intense. Looks like she's  ready to go, just waiting for baby to drop. Can't wait to meet our new blessing!
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Still waiting! I can't believe I have still not met this little one. This is my 4th full term pregnancy and I never guessed it would be the longest! The other kids came 3,2, and 1 week early. The last few days have been an emotional and physical roller coaster as we have thought "THIS IS IT" at least 5 times. The contractions are intense, but inconsistent. Just more practice apparently! I was 5cm at my midwife appt. on Wednesday...the appt. she said I wouldn't make it to cause I would for sure have a baby by then. Hah! This baby has a mind of it's own already, oh boy.

The good news is, I think we have the names figured out now. I think. The girl name has been on our heart since we first learned of this surprise, and it just feels right! The boy name is a little bit tougher, but I'm pretty sure we will know once we see the baby. I can't wait to post the meanings behind the name once baby is here! Possibly later today?!?!

So more waiting for the Nash family...and more prayer that baby come before the big move in 5 days!!!

I can't believe I'm about to have a baby...