tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19250839016613692842024-03-08T05:11:20.155-06:00FAITH NEVER FAILSA faith-based perspective on the blessings and challenges in our family's walk with God!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comBlogger112125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-601344240555182022012-08-16T14:03:00.002-05:002012-08-16T14:03:30.318-05:00Free FallingI had started this post weeks ago, but didn't want to publish it because I was afraid of what people would think if they knew the truth about how I was feeling. At my MOPS convention last week, the speaker in my room shared her story of this very same feeling. Her honesty was beautiful, and it reminded me to be authentic to the process God is walking me through. Thank you, Jesus, for the confirmation that being honest about this journey can be used to glorify you! So be warned, this blog can be my place to share the whole journey our family is on, not just the joys. I believe when you are a fully committed follower, your life is going to have more challenges than most. God cares more about our character than our comfort...this side of Heaven!<br />
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Falling is a tangible feeling others can understand and the only way I know how to explain what the past few months have felt like. It's not bad or good, it just is. I suppose it mostly represents the fact then when you are falling, you have absolutely no control over that circumstance. The only thing you can control is your mind and how you will respond once you land. Some days my falling has been frantic, and I grasp for anything within reach to cling to. I ask the Lord to end this period of my life where I am required to blindly obey as he calls us through valley after valley. Marriage, finances, friendships...all have seemed to fall short of what I needed in the past few months. Most days we don't have enough money to get both gas and groceries, so we have to choose. Friends from back home aren't reaching out like I thought they would. And Kenny and I only have each other right now, which has brought some of our flaws to the surface! I struggle with contentment as I hear from church friends back home in MN, read updates on Facebook, and browse pinboards on Pinterest. Why has God called us to a life that is so drastically different than theirs? <br />
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But then there are the days when my falling is full of grace. I look at my children and see the joy in their eyes and the love they have for the Lord despite our sometimes scary circumstances. They don't complain when there isn't money for the zoo or their favorite snack in the cupboard. They offer to help pay the bills with change they find in their <em>many</em> bags. And they encourage us to love when Kenny and I aren't doing a good job of loving each other. That is the attitude I need to work on. And I suppose until I get that right, this falling feeling will continue. Don't you just love it when God uses our children to teach us to be like Jesus! <br />
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So there is some brutal honesty about my heart and what this journey has felt like from my perspective! And I have to wonder if the Facebook posts and Pinterest Pinboards are really an authentic reflection of other people's hearts...maybe they haven't been given the same freedom I recently stumbled upon to share how hard this walk can sometimes be! <br />
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Now for some factual information: <br />
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We rented a house! It quite literally was picked out for us by the Man in charge of this transition (no, not my husband!) That last week in the hotel was such a difficult experience that Kenny and I cried out to God and committed to renting the first home available to us whether we liked it or not. That was not an easy prayer for us, don't let me fool you! Another lesson in giving up control and letting God direct our footsteps. The next day our application was accepted on a house just a few miles from the hotel. For the third time in the past few months, I walked into a home we had signed a lease on without seeing it first. So thankful my husband is good at reading my mind about what I desire in a house! We have a kitchen that was <em>made</em> for our dinner table, the one piece of furniture I just couldn't part with when we moved! We have a space we converted into the Homeschool room, and I think it is currently my favorite place in the whole world! The kids are loving their castle bedroom, with a triple bunk bed hand built by their daddy! And there is even an extra bedroom...ready and waiting for you to come visit!!! <br />
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The kids are so excited for activities to start next month. Kenzi was accepted into the American Heritage Girls program, and we found two homeschool groups in our area. As members, we get to participate in the incredible field trips and special classes...and of course the Mom's Night Out to encourage the mamas!!! We are hoping to have the finances to let the girls each pick one sport, and right now the winning sport is gymnastics! I'm pretty sure the Olympics had an influence on that choice. Nastia Luikin's training gym is just a few miles from our house...maybe we have a future Olympian in the ranks??<br />
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Kenny's job has been a huge challenge for our family. He works 10 hour days 6 days a week...on black roofs in the Texas summer. I have had to find creative ways to survive the day on my own, and I have to say I have an incredible respect for single moms. This job is hard! We are looking forward to some possible career changes in the near future.<br />
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The Lord is showing us like never before how little we need to survive. I have never been so poor in my life, and I have never felt so blessed. I love the simplicity of our current season and all of the time that has been given back to me. I am in a season where my family is my ministry. Kenny and I are involved in the marriage ministry at our church and are both looking forward to getting a community group! Some accountability can be a powerful thing! I am grateful for the godly women that have reached out to me here, the patience of my children as I learn to be a better mom, and my hard working husband in a difficult field. It certainly hasn't been a pretty transition, But I have learned that the more I lean on Jesus in all of this, the more I learn of His faithfulness. <br />
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Our future is a question mark right now...but I am being trasformed into the mighty leader God desires me to be!<br />
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Judges 6-7<br />
Psalm 84:5-7<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-30723270659065057362012-06-03T16:46:00.000-05:002012-06-03T16:46:04.086-05:003 weeks in ParadiseThat’s what I thought the last 3 weeks would be. That’s what I expected anyways. And while I’ve never actually been to Paradise to compare, I don’t think this counts! I should probably back up and fill in some of the holes since my last post…<br />
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Disclaimer: I want to warn you that there will be a lot of Jesus in this story. I know that makes some people uncomfortable, possibly even annoyed. There are lot’s of ways I could share about this transition without mentioning “God stuff”, but it wouldn’t be real. Jesus is our life, and the reason we even have this life. And the least we can do is give Him the credit. I don’t want to be afraid to be effective for Christ! To those who don’t believe in God, life on earth is all there is, and it’s natural to strive for this world’s values- money, popularity, power, and pleasure.(NIV teaching notes, Phil 1:20) I want to be radically different, and see life from an eternal perspective. I want my purpose to be speaking boldly about the God that changed my life! I will never force my views on any of you, and I will do my best to share our journey with humility. I will also consider it a privilege to suffer for Christ as long as I can faithfully represent the Gospel. You don’t have to read the stories I share on our family blog, but I do encourage you to read the greatest book ever written and one I will reference often, the B. I. B. L. E. :) I have so much to work on as I strive to be more like Christ, and I will write about those things in the days to come. I’m not better or holy-er or wiser than anyone else with breath in their lungs, but I am forgiven, and that make’s this life a lot easier to walk! <br />
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So…I encourage you to continue reading only if you want to hear about this journey from an eternal perspective And maybe, just maybe, think about checking out a church this Sunday! You don’t have to commit to anything, just sit and listen. And then tell me about your experience!<br />
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After returning home from our crazy, unplanned, “faith-trip/road-trip/homeschool adventure” things just weren’t the same. We knew within a day that we had not experienced the last of Texas. I think part of me was hoping that our short visit there was all God was calling us to. But the other part of me knew He was calling us to a lot more commitment than that. We wrestled with what that actually was as Kenny’s first day of work grew closer. While on our trip, Kenny had accepted a position that would require us to live in Chicago for 6 weeks and then California for another few weeks while he trained. We were both excited about the idea of extending our adventure and I could totally see our family living in the wonderful 2 bedroom suites Kenny was told we would stay in during training. But things started to get a bit confusing just a week before the move, and there were many last minute curveballs about the job that made Kenny very uncomfortable. One of the issues was quite funny as I look back, but at the time I was shocked that they had changed the hotel room on us and actually expected me to raise our 4 young kids in a very small hotel room in the bad part of town. Funny because I have been raising our 4 young kids in a very small hotel room in the bad part of town :) God has such a sense of humor. But there were much more serious issues that came up in those last few days and Kenny took some time to discern if he was making the right choice with this company. After conversations with wise people in his life and seeking the Lord’s advice, it was made clear that this was not the path most desired for us by our Maker. And that weekend at the MN Homeschool conference, we received confirmation after confirmation that we were to walk away from the MN job and pick up and move to Texas. What??? Kenny asked for 3 days of prayer before sharing with the people in our life, it was clear that this was not a time to make quick decisions. <br />
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And three days later, we started preparing for the move to Texas! It was a difficult season to go through, some dear friends found out because of circumstances out of our control, while others just didn’t understand. We knew we were doing what was right, but it was hard to explain that to the people around us. And after three weeks in Texas, it’s still hard to explain! It’s been like one of those movies you see that takes so many unexpected turns you don’t fully understand the plot until the final minutes. And each time you watch the movie over, you pick up on details you missed the first 5 times. I don’t know exactly how to share what God has taken us through since Kenny made the decision to move our family to Texas, I just know I am so glad I have been working on Godly submission, or I would have missed it all!<br />
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My memory is terrible so I can’t recall most of my childhood, but I don’t believe I have ever lived the way we are living now. What we hoped would be an easy (considering the circumstances) transition to Texas has turned out to be the biggest “turn your tables upside down” experience of our marriage. We imagined it would take a day or two to find a house to rent using Craigslist, and I had pictured us planting flowers in our new garden (yeah right :)) within a week! Well, it turns out that people don’t use Craigslist here like we do back home and the only way you can find a house for rent is by literally stumbling upon it. After a week of this craziness we decided to try apartment complexes. We had found a place that wasn’t exactly ideal, but it was a place so it felt good enough. Hours before signing the lease, we learned that there is a law in Texas regarding how many people can occupy an apartment. Maybe this is a law in MN too, but I’ve never heard of it. The rule is 2 people per bedroom. The apartment we were looking at was a 2 bedroom. Do the math…we would have to get rid of two kids! We didn’t want to break any rules, and we desperately desire to grow our family if that is what the Lord has planned (and we truly believe it is!) so we knew that an apartment wouldn’t work for our family. Kenny started training with his boss during the day and at night we would pile into the van with a movie for the kids and drive around the city looking for the “For Rent” signs mixed in with all of the campaign signs…lovely timing! After the first few houses fell through we learned that we were competing with a HUGE rental market and we didn’t have to wonder why we never got picked. 4 kids + dog = No Thank You. So if you are counting, that’s three very long weeks. It has stretched me as a mother like nothing else can. I was recently a full time working mom with a very social life, and I am now much like a single mom with no one to meet for a burger. That sounds really lame, but I really like burgers with my girlfriends!! <br />
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Sometimes it’s too much for me to handle, and I am quickly reminded by the Holy Spirit (Jesus talk again…it basically means God whispering in my heart) that I need to continue to count my blessings and seek the hidden treasures throughout my days. So here are some hidden treasures I have found in this mess:<br />
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• The librarians know my kids by name since we go there almost every day! It’s free. And it’s air conditioned. And you should see the way one of the librarians’ face lights up when Mackenzi walks up to the desk! <br />
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• I have already figured out which parks are awesome and which ones are not. That took me years to figure out back home! <br />
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• I made a friend! And someday I will tell her how her boldness affected my life.<br />
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• Indoor McDonald’s playlands are not all the same so it’s like a new adventure every time. And they are everywhere. And you can play in them if you just spend a dollar on some milk.<br />
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• The swimming pool (at our small hotel in the bad part of town) is always freezing, even on the hottest days! That one is a treasure for my kids, not me. I don’t understand, but they don’t seem to notice the ridiculous temperature. <br />
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• I have a reason to learn Spanish! I always thought learning one extra language was enough (in my case, it was German), but now I have a desire to learn Spanish too! My sister would be so proud! I have moments of desperation sitting at the park as a group of moms are all talking and laughing nearby. The only problem is that it’s all in Spanish. <br />
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• I get to use my creative side again! 6 people living in a hotel room can become quite chaotic. After a trip to the local dollar store, I was able to get crafty with hooks and bins! I’m sure the maids laugh when they open the shower curtain and find my makeshift closet, or move the table and find our homeschool classroom. <br />
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• I’ve been given the freedom to focus on my children and the Lord! I can’t believe I’m actually able to see it as a blessing now, but for the past month my phone hasn’t been working. I stopped getting voicemails months ago, but in the past few weeks phone calls and texts didn’t come through either. Amazing how God can fill your time once He has your undivided attention! <br />
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• I’m outgrowing my old comfort zone! We are definitely a minority in this area and at first it was shocking. Dallas is NOTHING like Chaska! The other day I got to spend time with a non-caucasian (I apologize, I really have no idea what race he was) homeless man as he helped me with the van. Kenny was at work and I had no idea what I was doing with the tire. He asked if he could help, and I got to ask if he knew the Gospel! It was a wonderful experience that I don’t think I would have handled well a few months ago.<br />
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• I’m starting to understand the importance of Sabbath! If I had moved into a house shortly after arriving, I would have spent the past few weeks getting plugged into a hundred activities before they ended for the summer. But if I had done that, I wouldn’t be ready for God to use me. My batteries would have been run dry and I would have been too tired, or too busy for God to use me in the ways He had planned. I have learned that sometimes God will say no to good things so that He can say yes to greater things!<br />
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I know there are many more, some I have recognized and some I didn’t even see. And while I don’t have a lovely story to share about how we moved here and found a wonderful house right away and everything is all roses, I do have a story that God will use someday when it’s ready to be shared. Whether it’s in a marriage ministry or a first generation believer conference, I know He will show me how to use this for Kingdom work!<br />
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Our Pastor at church shared some quotes from a man named David Livingston during this mornings message. I found one that seems to reflect my current prayers perfectly:<br />
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“God, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours.” <br />
― David Livingstone <br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.com Plano, TX 75074, USA33.0198431 -96.698885632.913340600000005 -96.8568141 33.1263456 -96.5409571tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-14484113672608681982012-03-27T17:50:00.000-05:002012-03-27T17:50:02.398-05:00Days 10-15So I totally had myself convinced that I would have tons of down time on this roadtrip. I brought a bucket of books, devo's, and bible studies to do in all my free time. Hah! I was not prepared for the amount of work it would be to take all the little ones half way across thr country. I have loved the work, every single second of it, just sayin I thought I might even get bored. NOT the case in Texas! So that's my sorry excuse for not blogging more. Sorry! <br />
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Back when we first started the planning of this trip, we decided we would let our older two have some input. We gave them some ideas of things we could explore along the way and they each got to pick out a few places on their own. Mackenzi picked Sea World! The girls spent hours watching the live feed of the animals in their tanks on the Sea World website before we left home. So when we finally pulled up to the <em>real</em> Sea World, you can imagine the look on Kenzi's face!! It was greater than I had imagined and the opportunities to teach our children were everywhere. I am so glad that she chose Sea World.<br />
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The last few days have been spent in Dallas with our friend Joe and his community group. They are amazing men that have been so helpful and kind. They even gave us a surprise date night! They made delicious homemade pizza then sent us to the Shane and Shane concert at Watermark. I was a little worried that they didn't know what they were getting themselves into as we walked out the door, but I felt a little peace knowing there were more guys than kids. Just a little peace :)<br />
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The concert was amazing, emotional, and powerful. One of their songs is about the story of the 3 men that were asked to walk into a fire for their faith (the same story I referenced last week). Everytime I hear that story I ask myself how far I'd be willing to go for God. Would I be bold? Would I do something that would go against what everyone else is doing? Even those in my christian circle? Would I be willing to take the narrow road? The answer better be yes. And to be certain that my answer will always be yes I must spend time getting to know my God and His promises. I'd be willing to do most anything for my closest girlfriends, and I'm guessing if God was in my inner circle along with the girls I'd be more confident in saying I'd do anything for him too. <br />
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Texas has been such a blessing for our family. We have been able to spend time with each other in ways that wouldn't otherwise be possible. Kenny and I have had moments at Watermark that will forever change our marriage. We have an action plan, and we have a faithful God! As our final days in Dallas are spent at the nature preserve and Watermark, we look forward to finishing the journey we started 2 weeks ago. Our next stop will be in Missouri where we will have an opportunity to meet with a special family that has touched my heart and caught my attention. We leave Dallas tomorrow knowing that we would be perfectly content living in Texas. There are a few job opportunities here that Kenny is pursuing, but no decision has been made yet. Just the decision that as a submissive wife, I am perfectly at peace with whatever the head of our household decides! I have come a long way :)<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Part 1...they had no idea what was comin!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Part 2...OH NO!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Part 3...NOT FUNNY DAD!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">SHAMU</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We passed 2000 miles!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gattitown...wish we would have discovered this sooner!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just too cute</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-937176178111813892012-03-22T00:34:00.000-05:002012-03-22T00:34:26.336-05:00Day 9Lots of drivin today as we went south to San Antonio! Stopped by the capitol in Austin for a quick homeschool lesson then just <em>had</em> to find the Stevie Ray Vaughan statue for my obsessed husband. We got directions from someone on the street, it was kind of like we were on Amazing Race! <br />
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We pulled into San Antonio and ventured around the city until we found the River Walk. Wow. Was that amazing! Kenny and I have added it to our bucket list as a place to visit again...without children :) Anyone wanna come with us?!<br />
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Kenny worked his "salesman magic" and got the whole family into the Timberwolves game for $20. He is so good at that. We haven't paid full price for anything on this trip. Gotta love Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace"! <br />
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I LOVE Texas :)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-46648427364121457222012-03-21T14:21:00.001-05:002012-03-21T14:21:15.972-05:00Days 5-8The last few days have been filled with unexpected adventure! We have had some amazing conversations with people in Dallas and are falling in love with the city. One of the greatest places here is Watermark Community Church. <a href="http://www.watermark.org/" target="_blank">Watermark Site</a> We have been able to experience a new class every day, all of them filled with incredible and inspiring messages. <br />
Sunday’s message was given by a pastor clearly gifted in speaking and communicating. <br />
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He started in Galatians and asked us if we served men or God? Do we serve ourselves and fall claim to pride? Do we serve idols like alcohol or money? Or do we choose to serve God and ignore the earthly ways of those around us? He challenged us to live by this statement:<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">“I’m going to live according to the faith I say I have.”</span><br />
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If faith is such a good thing, then why are so many afraid to use it? Why do we hide it away for another day? I find that I often try to organize my life in a way so that I don’t need to use my faith. That’s silly. It’s illegal to worship in 52 countries. I live in a place where I can worship any time I want. So why don’t I do it more often?<br />
He finished the message with the story in Daniel. Three men were being challenged in their faith and were thrown into a fire. Do you know these three men? They leaned into God, trusting that they would walk away untouched by the flames. And they did. Their faith was real. And they used it.<br />
Monday we got to attend a ministry called regeneration- "re:generation recovery puts Christ at the center of all healing and relies solely on God’s word as its authority and counsel. We are an authentic community of Christ-followers, relentless in helping each other experience intimacy with the LORD, and are committed to glorifying our LORD through regenerated lives. At some level, we all experience brokenness. At re:generation, we believe that people can experience growth and new life by working through the healing path God has given us in the Bible. The mission of this biblically-based 12-step program is to call all people to be fully devoted followers of Christ. Our experience and prayer is that you will find healing."<br />
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There were many in the room that were suffering from circumstances far greater than my own, it was encouraging to worship together. The message was focused on #11 of the Believer’s 12 Steps. They spoke of how so many want to really <em>feel</em> God, and one of the best ways to do that is to suffer for Him. Not to choose to suffer, but in suffering, glorify Him. One of my favorite parts of the message was this:<br />
God doesn’t save us from trouble. He sees us through it and uses it.<br />
The next evening we went to The Porch, a young adults ministry led by Pastor JP, the same man who gave the message on Sunday. I was so excited to spend another night learning from him! He shared a story of a member wanting to start a ministry. The pastor asked him if he was currently living with his girlfriend, and when he responded yes, the pastor asked him to spend some more time in his Word before asking to start a ministry. I was blown away by his boldness, and I loved it. I want a pastor like that. A pastor that isn’t afraid to enforce guidelines given to us in the Bible. His story opened my eyes to my own circumstance. I am overflowing with ideas of how to serve the people around me. Kenny and I have recently been talking about some major life changes that would allow us to start a few ministries in our own home. But just because it is the desire of our hearts to do these things (adoption, foster care, missions) doesn’t mean that God is going to open those doors right now. He may need us to work on some things first. And that is a very difficult thing to admit! So…we turn our timing over to Him and commit to these 3 things while we wait:<br />
1) Spend time in his Word- daily quiet time is great but the most important thing is learning the stories in the Bible. There is an amazing year long camp that helps you do this that we are praying about. What an incredible experience that would be!<br />
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2) Start your day in prayer and end your day in prayer- A dear friend gave us the book "How to Develop a Powerful Prayer Life" by Dr. Gregory Frizzell before leaving on this trip. It has been a wonderful resource and I highly recommend it. <br />
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3) Form close relationships with other believers- We are both going to seek out specific accountability partners as well as a mentor to help us grow and start dealing with the sin in our lives. <br />
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The last few days have been exactly what we needed. Tough conversations with each other, honesty and teachable moments with our children, and intentional time with godly people who have been willing to walk in this journey with us. My heart is heavy with desire for the life God has planned for our family, and I am so excited to see all of the dots connecting here in Texas. It’s going to take some difficult and humbling work, but we will get there, and we will have unspeakable joy! <br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-61330940442025058472012-03-17T23:28:00.000-05:002012-03-18T11:29:12.018-05:00Day 4<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We made it! It was a huge sense of accomplishment to see the "Welcome to Texas" sign! We managed to arrive safely, under budget, with all of our children(that's not that easy when you have 4), and nearly no meltdowns. Hello Texas!</div>
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We stopped at an Outlet Mall just inside the border. Apparently outlet mall's are popluar here, there are at least 7 in the city of Dallas. The kids got out to play and stretch their legs which we have found is the key to long distance roadtrips. We tried to stop every 2-3 hours at a playground and that seemed to be just what they needed. </div>
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The outlet we had stopped at was mostly empty and pretty run down. As we were leaving, Kenzi announced "Mom, I don't think Texas is that great." Oh my child, Texas is much larger than this little outlet, I assure you!</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We made it Texas. We followed your calling. Now what, God? </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Eyes wide open...</span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-5691253501744613742012-03-16T22:05:00.000-05:002012-03-17T15:30:43.710-05:00Day 3Today was a great day. A fantastic day. I loved today! We packed up early and went to a local museum in Wichita called “Old Cowtown.” One of the reasons we love homeschooling is that our kids can do more hands-on experiences like this one. Check it out <a href="http://www.oldcowtown.org/" target="_blank">Old Cowtown Museum</a><br />
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We toured the town for hours, of course having to go into EVERY building. The kids got to check out the old schoolhouse, run through the rooms of 200 year old houses, see where they stored their animals, and probably Kenzi’s favorite, dance in the saloon. It was so wonderful to watch them soak in all the information as we read the plaques outside each building. It’s important to Kenny and I to teach our kids about how other people have lived, and even still live today. We want them to know a different way of life so that they can truly value theirs. <br />
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We knew it was time to hop back in the car when we found Graham takin a nap on the post office porch! We stopped in the store for a few Honey Sticks (remember those?!) and continued the drive South towards Oklahoma City. Once there, we went straight to the Oklahoma Memorial for another homeschool lesson!<br />
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The kids found the platform where you can leave chalk notes about the people who died in this terrible tragedy. Selah mostly ate the chalk, Graham mostly threw the chalk, but the girls left sweet messages about Jesus. And Mackenzi’s American Girl doll, Rebecca…I didn’t ask. </div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uGjfYLv4sqQ/T2Tv8IzMptI/AAAAAAAAE0A/PSPYD-bvxAk/s1600/DSC_0025.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" eea="true" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uGjfYLv4sqQ/T2Tv8IzMptI/AAAAAAAAE0A/PSPYD-bvxAk/s320/DSC_0025.JPG" width="212" /></a><span style="color: black;">We found the chair that represented the little girl I learned about in school shortly after the bombing. Her name was Baylee, and I was given her name by my teacher to pray for. I don’t remember my teacher being a believer, nor did I go to a school that was very supportive of Christian faith. So strange to have this memory. But I remember thinking about Baylee often, and I never forgot her picture. The girls had a lot of questions about what had happened, and it was a priceless teachable moment.</span></div>
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Everyone was hungry, so we decided to stop for dinner somewhere with a playland. We are really trying to avoid McDonalds and Wendy’s on this trip, so when we found Chic Fil A, Kenny was thrilled. I, however, was not. I don’t like chicken. Did you know that Chic Fil A only serves chicken??? Seriously. I enjoyed an old granola bar I found smashed in the bottom of the diaper bag while the rest of the family ate their chicken. </div>
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We found a cheap hotel (we quickly learned why) and settled in for the night. The girls worked on their homeschool lessons with dad while I sat down to read a book a friend had lent me before leaving. I had never heard of it, but she said I HAD to read it. And I totally trust her, she is a very dear Christian friend who keeps me accountable in so many ways. So I started reading, and didn’t stop til I had finished it. Yes, it was one of those books! The Cross and the Switchblade…about a man who felt God telling him to go to NYC, but he didn’t know why. Sound familiar?!?! Haha! Kenny and I laughed as I read some of the story to him. What an awesome motivator for this crazy trip of ours. The man who went to NYC was the man who started Teen Challenge. Ever heard of it? Quite amazing. </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Thank you Lord for this day! It was exactly what I needed.</span></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-14221708528323127072012-03-15T23:28:00.000-05:002012-03-16T16:30:21.093-05:00Day 2Today was mostly uneventful. And that was amazing! I can’t remember the last time I had a day as relaxing as this one. Our life is mostly chaos, 4 small kids can do that quickly. I didn’t realize until today that I had gotten used to the constant crazy. <br />
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We made our way to Kansas City and got out to enjoy the area. Kenny got a peek at the National Speedway track and started Mackenzi’s new mission to be a race car driver. My dad will love that. I told her she could go to the track with daddy or Target with me totally thinking I would win, but I didn’t. It wasn’t even close. What?? A man going in circles wearing funny clothes beats Target??</div>
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We made it as far as Wichita and decided to call it a day around 11pm. I’ve never been to Wichita before. And I don’t think I will be back again. Totally out of my comfort zone! We kept getting back on the highway thinking the next exit would be a nicer area, but it never changed. I honestly prayed, asking God to help us find a safe place to stay for the night. Silly prayer, but I was desperate. </div>
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We eventually found a beautiful hotel called the Drury Hotel. And they gave us the key to our room…room 316. Amen to that!</div>
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<br /> </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-2410306842524574822012-03-14T22:25:00.000-05:002012-03-15T16:27:19.516-05:00...and follow MeYep. That's right. We have finally begun the last portion of our family verse through this crisis. We sold many of our possessions (and I am sure that the friends who helped us move for the 3rd time in a year were grateful for that!), given to those around us in need, and are now ready to follow Him...to Texas! <br />
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Yes, it sounds crazy. And it totally is crazy. We get that. I've nearly talked myself out of this a dozen times. And every time God confirms his calling in my heart. It's about looking beyond what our human minds can reason and choosing to let our hearts be Christ-like instead. There are many stories in the bible of people who were asked to do things that didn't make sense to the people around them. And they were always rewarded for doing it anyways! I'm not expecting to see a burning bush or a man being lowered through the roof on his mat on this trip, but I am expecting to be challenged. And that always means growth! <br />
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The timing of this trip was far from my own. Ask my friends, I have not been the most patient woman in all of this. I was ready to go weeks ago, and boy was my plan great! We were going to travel by RV or passenger van and camp our way across the US for the month of March. And here we are, 14 days later, in our beat up mini van that is duck taped together...with unreliable air conditioning...broken locks and windows...and a silent radio. Apparently luxury was not on God's list of requirements for this trip! </div>
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We piled into the van ( yes, literally piled) and said goodbye to the dog. The sense of peace that came over the car as we drove away was priceless! It felt so wonderful to finish what we had started dreaming about months ago. 10 minutes later, Kenzi asked if we were in texas yet. Oh boy. </div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YJj2dRST378/T2Fyi6NUj5I/AAAAAAAAEwk/NMHw9UjI2MU/s1600/100MEDIA_IMAG0058.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img bea="true" border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YJj2dRST378/T2Fyi6NUj5I/AAAAAAAAEwk/NMHw9UjI2MU/s320/100MEDIA_IMAG0058.jpg" width="320" /></a>About 100 miles out of town we stopped at gas station for a quick stretch and a snack. Mackenzi was paying for her shake and accidentaly knocked it over on the counter. The manager was less than thrilled. While helping to clean it up, my lovely little biy found himself a nice bag of cheetos. I almost said yes until the vision of orange residue all over the car filled my mind. I was shocked when he didn't like my answer (haha) and turned to help Kenzi finish cleaning the mes. The two men behind me started laughing as Graham began to do what I will forever call the "Cheeto Dance." It was as if he was wildly swinging a towel around, you can totally picture it in your head. Funny to me cause I'm his mom and I could see how badly he wanted these messy but yummy things, not funny to the manager. I knew in one look that I would now be required to purchase the smashed cheetos whether I wanted them or not. As I was paying for the darn cheetos (which were OF COURSE the spicy kind that my son would never eat and would be going directly in the garbage) the laughter from behind grew louder. Graham had opened the bag and dumped all of the cheetos onto the floor. The manager handed me a broom. </div>
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Our first stop of many had not gone so well. This is going to be an adventure all right!</div>
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Pulling back onto the highway I caught glimpse of a deer in the distance. I was amazed by it's beauty as it ran through the field. Strong, focused, fast. It had captured my attention for some reason. Not 5 seconds later, the deer chose to change it's course and was now heading straight for our path. I screamed. Kenny slammed on the brakes. The van went off the side of the road. The deer crossed the highway only missing the front of our vehicle by one foot going 70mph. The looks on the faces of the car behind us when they paced were enough to convince us that we had just nearly avoided a very fatal car crash. I don't think anyone would have walked away from a collision like that. It took minutes for us to catch our breath. Our entire family was in that car, and we just had a glimpse of what might have been the our last day on earth. </div>
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Why had the deer caught my attention in the first place? I am not the kind of person that enjoys looking out the window. And I don't particularily like deer. I am going to use it as a reminder to keep my eyes open wide on this trip. And to trust God's perfect timing.<br />
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Thankful tonight for my children safely snuggled in our hotel room, that my husband fixed our breaks just a few days ago, and for my new contacts that arrived last week. And for a God that has placed his arms of protection around us as we travel this unknown road.</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OB1y5oVdGGw/T2JbF8-3xbI/AAAAAAAAExQ/JbUotOnLa8M/s1600/peapod.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img bea="true" border="0" height="212" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OB1y5oVdGGw/T2JbF8-3xbI/AAAAAAAAExQ/JbUotOnLa8M/s320/peapod.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comDes Moines, IA, USA41.6005448 -93.609106441.5055533 -93.7670349 41.6955363 -93.4511779tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-88175434759414538662012-01-26T10:39:00.002-06:002012-01-26T10:39:56.969-06:00Season of Change and a Faith Adventure!<br />
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I feel like I've posted that before. Huh. Seems like God is always
working in our family using change...and lots of change! I better start
at the beginning of this one...<br />
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Just before Thanksgiving my husband's flooring company went under and
the entire team was laid off. We had been through this before, but the
shock of the timing definitely through us off. We were hosting
Thanksgiving for both families, how would we provide the food? Christmas
and Kenzi's birthday were just around the corner, how was that going to
look now? It took a few days for us to finally rest in the peace of
God's plan and realize that we aren't meant to store up earthly
treasures...there was going to be a big lesson learned for the Nash
family! We learned over the next few weeks to trust like we never had
before. Rent was due, the car needed gas, and our kids needed food.
Through generous friends and an incredible church family, we were given
everything we needed right when we needed it. We look back and laugh at
how it all worked out, and praise God for not letting us see how really
bad it was in the moment. I truly believe distractions were placed in
our life to keep us busy and focused on others so that we wouldn't fall
under the pressures of our own circumstances. <br />
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Out of this experience has grown an INCREDIBLE desire to join the
mission field. We have been shown how little you really need to survive,
and want more than anything to use this experience to take the next
step towards a new lifestyle of simplicity. Which brings me to February,
2012. <br />
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We will be moving temporarily to a home in Wayzata until a sweet friend
has her baby. Once that happens, a crazy plan will be set in motion! We
have felt God calling us to new places, asking us to trust in Him like
never before. For a while we were trying to figure out WHICH place was
the right choice for our family. After weeks of praying, asking others
for wise counsel, meeting with out pastor, and spending time in the
Word, we have decided that sometimes God doesn't want to just TELL
you...He wants to SHOW you! So we will be packing the car with the
"simple things" and heading off on a Faith Adventure! We are going to go
the places that have been laid on our heart and see what unfolds. It
may be a conversation, an experience, an opportunity to bless someone in
need, or a door to a new career for my husband. It is totally crazy,
and we haven't gotten support from everyone that we have shared with,
but we know that God has equipped us for this and we need to remain
focused on that!<br />
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The verse our family has lived by through this crisis is Matthew 19:21-<br />
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Jesus said to him, "If you wish to be complete, go and <u>sell your
possessions </u>and <u>give to the poor</u>, and you will have treasure in heaven;
and come, <u>follow Me</u>."<br />
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Well, we have followed this verse word for word and it's time to FOLLOW...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-30382481805118338492011-12-06T01:00:00.001-06:002011-12-06T01:01:59.229-06:00Where to now, Lord?“…your Father already knows your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else and he will give you everything you need” (Luke 12:30-31).<br />
“So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today” (Matthew 6:34).<br />
<br /><br />I've been putting off writing this because I have NO idea how to share what has been going on in our life this past month. I feel as though every morning I wake up there is a new twist in the story He has written for us. Here is my feeble attempt at best:<br /><br />My husband and I have been feeling God's promptings to follow Him in ways that really stretch us. We were recently certified as foster parents and have been riding that emotional roller coaster for about a month now. We have also started to research more about our desire to become missionaries. We believe we have been through some of our difficult trials in the past few years so that He could better prepare us and equip us for that life. If I had responded to this email at the begining of Novemeber it would have said something like "We are loving our abundant life! We are comfortable and content, looking for new ways to serve Christ." My response now would be similar, minus the "comfortable and content". And I laugh as I write that, because comfortable and content is not exactly God's plan for his followers. So...shortly after He gave, He took away. My husband's company went under months before we were expecting it to and his entire program was laid off in early November. Our life is now back in His hands where it should have been all along. The crazy part is, my life of comfort these past 6 months in our beautiful home; church full of ministry possibilities; and close MOPS leadership team has been the most unfulfilling 6 months of my life. I can honestly say now that it is not the life I desire. I am so thankful to God for showing me that. I have now had a taste of what that kind of comfortable and abundant lifestyle would be like, and I can certainly live without those things if that's what it takes to further His Kingdom. Which is probably good, cause God is calling our family through a big change. My husband and I have spent the past 5 days in constant prayer, spending time in the Word, and reaching out to wise counsel. God has opened several doors for us in this short time! He has opened our eyes to connections in several different places and we have spent hours trying to discern what all of it means. There is a job opportunity in Texas and a mega church that could equip us for a mission in ways we can only dream, best friends offering their home in Chicago so that we could walk alongside them in their inner-city ministry (they live in the middle of a gang community where there is murder and weekly gun shots...talk about being on a mission in the US!), and there is another opportunity in MN that would still require us to find a new church home, new MOPS group, new home school coop...<br /><br />My husband and I have prayed daily for God to show us which plan He has made for us at this time, and still we wait. I was getting frustrated this wknd when we didn't have the answer we thought we needed by Sunday night. And then I looked at my precious miracle baby...Selah...and was reminded of the meaning of her name. "Wait, and listen". <br /><br />So for now, there is enough food on the table and warm clothes to wear...the rest we will have to go without. We have miraculously survived off of about $200 for the past 3 weeks, and we still have $60 left! Thank you Jesus! Christmas will mean something very different to the Nash family this year, and I am so grateful for that!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-77548220021682530152011-10-13T01:07:00.000-05:002011-10-13T01:07:56.222-05:00Heavy HeartToday was a heavy day. I was reminded that your life can change in a moment, and when you least expect it. There is a huge part of me that just wants to keep all of this a secret. I don't know how this will change relationships, but I know it will change things. And I don't handle change very well! Well, maybe I do, but I don't <em>enjoy</em> change. And part of me doesn't want to make this public because I fear judgement. And reactions that will be hurtful. <br />
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But I had a few friends remind me that it's important to be transparent so that God can use our trials as tools for others to see Him at work. So I share this as a very vulnerable mom. I'm not in a very good place with this circumstance, but perhaps through sharing it, I can find some refuge. <br />
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This journey started 18 months ago when we started noticing that Tori was different. At first, we found it entertaining. She would do odd things and we would laugh it off as "another Nash moment." We were constantly telling friends and family when her behavior was unusual that she was "just being Tori." It wasn't until her 2year check-up that we were told we needed to take these red flags more seriously. <br />
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We had Tori evaluated through the school district we lived in and it was quite the eye opening experience. All of a sudden, our baby girl went from being odd, to having a medical diagnosis. Because she was under the age of 3, they were very reluctant to label her with a specific diagnosis. After months of filling out tests and home evaluations, she was given the general diagnosis of DD- Developmental Delay. They said they would continue to watch for a more specific diagnosis under the umbrella of the Autism Spectrum Disorder or Emotional Behavior Disorder as she got older. At the time, the term EBD was a better fit for what they were seeing, so we talked about getting services towork on those symptoms. <br />
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Unfortunately, by the time we had finished the eval process, it was time to move. We all decided that it made more sense to start her therapies once we had moved into our new home in a different district. If I had only known at the time that our move would be delayed by many months...<br />
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So here we are now, almost one year later. Some of Tori's behaviors had gotten better since the move, while others had gotten much worse. We called the new district and asked for their opinion and they suggested that we have her evaluated again. So we went through the rigurous and time consuming process of evaluations again. This time, Kenny and I were confident that they would not find anything. We had convinced ourselves that we had things under control and that they would most likely say to us that she was a perfectly normal 3 year old just pushing out buttons. My heart just hurts as I write this. I was so naive. <br />
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Three people came from the district today to meet with us and discuss the results of all the testing. They sat across our kitchen table from us with stacks of paperwork. And then they told us news that will change our lives forever. <br />
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Our sweet Tori scored in the 99th percentile for EBD. She was now officially being labeled. I had to blink a few times and look around the room to make sure I was really there. I was sure this had to be a dream. The child psychologist went on to say that Tori was testing at the "clinically significant" level and would need intense therapies. They explained that they rarely make this diagnosis at such a young age because it is such a heavy label, but they were certain that this was the right choice for her. It was so hard to take in those words. I felt blindsided. Which probably sounds dumb since this was an option from the begining. But I had myself in this nice place of denial for so long. <br />
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After a few moments, I asked them what the next step should be. This is where the next part of my struggle comes in. They said Tori would qualify for 6 hours of therapy a week through the district, but it needed to be in a public preschool setting. I don't do public school! I am so passionate about homeschooling and the benefits of home education. I wanted to laugh and tell them the meeting was over, we were not interested. But something inside me said to "Wait...and listen." (The meaning of Selah, and a constant prompting from God lately!)<br />
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As I sat there trying to come up with all the reasons I was against this label and their idea for therapy, they were discussing the best placement for Tori. When they finally decided on the <strong>perfect fit </strong>for her, they shared it with us. I almost fell off my chair. My stomach flipped. And the dots connected. You see, the preschool they had chosen for her is in a private home. A few years ago, when I was pregnant with Tori, I was asked by a good friend that worked there to bring Kenzi and the dog for a few Show-N-Tells. I fell in love with this unique preschool that was run out of this cute home. I remember touring it and thinking that I would totally send my child there. <br />
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So here I am, 3 years later. And God is showing me the plan he had all along. And on Monday, our sweet girl will ride the "short bus"(It made us laugh when they tried to explain the bus without using this term!) to preschool where she will learn coping skills and social skills with her new Para and a Special Ed teacher. <br />
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And that's how our life changed today. The little girl that I thought was quirky was actually struggling with a very scary mental illness. I have to send her away to a place where she will most likely feel fear. And I have to know that she is in God's hands. Our children are not our own, but His. And His plan for her is much better than mine. <br />
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Lots of silent tears today, and a huge need to spend time with my husband to process this life change. In some way, I am mourning the loss of the child I had dreamed she would be. I know her life is still valuable and will be very fulfilling, but it will be in a very different way. They suggested we contact Children's Hospital right away and meet with a mental health specialist to determine the specifics of this illness. Most likely counseling and medication will play a big part of her life. <br />
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I struggle with how to share this with the people in our life. EBD is often an invisible disability because most of it's symptoms are internal. I have had friends tell me that they didn't think anything was wrong with Tori, which of course made me feel like they thought I was making it up. And I had a very honest friend share with me that they thought Tori was different because I didn't love her as much as our firstborn. The guilt overwhelmed me for days. So on one hand, it's nice to have a medical diagnosis. I'm not crazy. But on the other hand, well, I don't even know how to explain the pain I feel for my daughter today. <br />
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Heavy heart today. Preparing for more major changes in our life. And praying God will equip me to handle <em>all</em> of it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-29509248173044013802011-10-03T01:38:00.001-05:002011-10-03T01:39:02.257-05:00What if I get both?I got to have dinner with a sweet friend tonight and it was exactly what I needed after a crazy weekend! I am the Event Coordinator for MOPS Area 9 (that's MN) and we hosted our first ever Mega Event!! It started off with a crazy treasure hunt at the MOA and finished then next day with some incredible worship and wonderful speakers. I have been preparing and planning for this event for months, and now that it is over, I feel lost! I have found in the past few years that I am an EXTREME extrovert. I <u><strong>need</strong></u> people and activity to fuel me. I loved every moment of my crazy weekend. And now I'm on to the next big adventure.<br />
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Which brings me back to dinner tonight. Dinner with a friend that gives me grace. Cause I'm not always good at being her friend. I tend to get caught up in the whirlwind of my life and forget that I need to make time for my precious friends. So tonight we shared some praises and some prayers that were on our hearts. And when I left, I felt like my eyes had been opened! You see, I had shared with her that I was struggling with tricky circumstance that is about to unfold in our home. I was looking at it as God <em>testing me </em>with two amazing choices...both at the same time. I felt He was asking me to choose the better one. But I have been stuck trying to figure out which one was better. <br />
<br />
And that's when my brilliant friend said "Why do you have to choose one? I think God wants you to say yes to both." <br />
<br />
WHAT????? But I can't handle both at the same time. <br />
<br />
And her equally brilliant response "You're right, you can't. But when God is calling you to it, He will equip you." <br />
<br />
I seriously drove home as if I had put glasses on for the first time. Everything seemed so clear...and obvious. Why didn't I think of that? Just cause there are two big life changes on the horizon doesn't mean God expects me to pick one. He could just be saying "Get ready. I'm about to take you on a ride." <br />
<br />
I don't know what to call this ride. But I am ready to buckle up and hang on. God moved in huge ways today, showing me exactly where He wanted me to go on several occasions. And I was clearly reminded that He has His grip on me. And that is the image I will have to remember in the weeks to come. Cause this isn't going to be a kiddie ride...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-15212635838398120222011-09-30T02:27:00.000-05:002011-09-30T02:27:24.654-05:00Hah!I laugh as I look at the title of my last post. (Yes, 3 months ago, don't remind me!) Perspective is such an incredibly powerful word. I was using it to describe the story of an experience that was going to be told by 3 different people. Two of us have some work to do!! But today, I use the word perspective in a whole new light. A brave little girl that our family adores was put to the test today as she went through an intense back surgery. So<em> there</em> is a dose of perspective! <br />
<br />
I find myself looking around at the people God has placed in my life right now. I have some friendships that have gone deeper than I ever could have imagined. I also have some struggles that are more difficult than I can put words to. And I think the two go hand in hand on purpose. God has arranged my circle of friends just right so that I can be held accountable, encouraged, guided, taught, reminded, and supported as He brings us through yet another season of uncertainty! <br />
<br />
I don't know what the next few weeks will change for our family, but I know He is preparing us for it. I can feel it. And so can my husband. The mixture of excitement and absolute confusion require us to once again let go of our earthly desires and instead turn our faces heavenward! I hope to begin to have some clarity in the next few days as I devote intentional time in the Word and join my husband in heavy prayer. But I will do so with perspective...the kind that knocks you to your feet when you realize that all things are possible when you give it to God!<br />
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Check out my friend's blog to read the story of their brave Trinity! <a href="http://babygirlarthur.blogspot.com/">http://babygirlarthur.blogspot.com/</a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-58710748574443441482011-06-14T09:11:00.000-05:002011-06-14T09:11:44.101-05:00PerspectiveYesterday I sat down to write the story of the past few days at least 5 times. I just couldn't do it. I have dealt with so much guilt throughout this pregnancy and now delivery, it has been so different than the stories of my other 3 children. Selah deserves the very best I have, and I mistakingly let the guilt sink in yesterday as I realized I wasn't posting on Facebook, I wasn't blogging, I wasn't taking pictures...<br />
<br />
And that's another reason why God sent my sweet friend "A" into my life! I woke up this morning to the most amazing email from her, and her perspective on Selah's birth story! What an awesome sense of peace to know He will provide exactly what I need through all of this...<br />
<br />
<u><strong>BIRTH STORY-Alyssa's Persepective</strong></u><br />
<br />
I witnessed a miracle. The orchestration of the birth of Selah, is nothing short of a miracle. The way God’s hand was in every single little detail is practically incomprehensible. This delivery did not go according to our earthly plans but it did go according to His master plan.<br />
<br />
<br />
Months ago I felt this inexplainable desire to be at the delivery of my friend, Britni’s baby. I never said anything to her, because although we were good friends, we weren’t the very best intimate type of friend that you would invite to your birth. One day she told me, “I feel like you have a connection to this baby.” “Oh my word! I feel the same way!” I could hardly contain my excitement. I asked her to be at the delivery and she said, “you have to be!” Her hubby approved it and on we went with our lives. <br />
<br />
As the due date slowly approached, I looked at my calendar and wondered how in the world I was ever going to be able to follow through with our birth-attending plan with my daycare children, husband’s busy work schedule, family in town, and my own nursing baby at home. I prayed for the timing of the birth of this baby - of course I prayed selfishly, but also for the timing for Britni as she also has a lot on her plate (she’s moving!).<br />
<br />
<br />
Fast forward to 6.11.11. I woke up at a little after 1:00am and saw a few missed texts from Britni. <br />
<br />
June 10, 2011 11:14 PM<br />
<br />
“Still 5 min apart and getting bad...called midwife and she said oh crap...hospital is closed, they are full.”<br />
<br />
June 10h, 2011 11:41 PM<br />
<br />
“It’s go time!!!” And I had more beans at dinner tonight...this is gonna be bad.”<br />
<br />
I panic, I laugh, I ask Eric if I can go to the hospital. I throw on my jeans from the day before and head out the door wondering if I may have missed it all! I pray the entire way to the hospital. The very hospital where I’ve delivered 3 precious babies.<br />
I arrive at the hospital, get my picture taken for my security sticker and head up to the 3rd floor. Hubert buzzes me in and tells me “You DON’T want to be in there.” I ask him to please call the room because they wanted me there for the delivery. My mind is racing, “Why can’t I be in there? Did she lose the baby? Is she pushing the baby out at this very instant? Has something gone terribly wrong?...” Hubert gets permission for me to go into the room.<br />
<br />
I enter the room. There is laughter. There is joy. Britni tells me that nurse Kelly is her dear friend and stayed late just so Brit could come to St Francis even though they were technically “full.” Wow, what a good friend. Kenny is updating the blog on his phone. Britni’s other friend, Laura, is getting ice water for Brit and making sure she’s comfy. <br />
<br />
We laugh, we pray Britni through painful medicine-less contractions, we laugh some more, we spray industrial strength air freshener (remember the bean comment), I photograph and try to keep my view G rated. <br />
Things start picking up a little bit. The midwife comes in and check Britni. The nurse checks Britni. The midwife checks Britni again. “What do you feel?” “What do you feel?”<br />
Baby is not quite in the right position so the midwife and nurse get Britni out of bed, and have her do lunges with her leg up on the edge of the bed. By this time, there is no more laughing, there is much more praying and I’ve given up on my G rated view. The midwife thinks this could be it, baby might just come while Britni is standing. Britni begs for pain meds, but Theresa, the midwife, attempting to honor Brit’s original request to go with out meds encourages her to try to lunges a bit more.<br />
<br />
Lunges don’t work. Brit gets back in bed and they check her again, nurse, midwife, nurse, midwife. “The nose is this way?” “The cheek is that way?” “I feel the cheek.” “Yes, I do too.”<br />
Ok, let’s push. I’m not really sure if the goal was to push the baby out at this time or just to push the baby into a better position. They finally order Britni an epidural. “It’s ok Britni, an epidural is on the way. Let’s just try pushing one more time.”<br />
“Where is the epidural?” ... “How long has it been since I ordered the epidural?” <br />
<br />
“Where’s the midwife?”... “Can you please see where the midwife is?” <br />
<br />
“Can you check her again?” ... “What are you feeling?” <br />
<br />
“We need to page the doctor.” ... “We need to page the doctor again.” “We need to page Dr. Jenkins.”...<br />
Things are unclear. I’m snapping pictures. I’m praying out loud. I’m singing “How Great is our God” to myself while I stand out of the way in the corner. Another nurse comes in. The anesthesiologist comes in. “We need to prep the OR.”<br />
Finally the midwife gets ahold of the doctor, “Baby is face presentation, we’re prepping the OR.” My breath stops. My mind is reeling. “Face presentation.” “Prep the OR.” Britni is going to have a c-section. Brit didn’t see this coming. Britni is so calm. Wow. I’m totally surprised.<br />
<br />
“Face presentation.” “Prep the OR.” I’ve heard those words before. It’s almost as if I’m witnessing the birth of my first born son all over again. What are the chances? Funny you ask because Wikipedia says that face presentation frequency ranges from 1/500-1/1250.<br />
The nurses kick Laura and I out of the room. We wait at the end of the hall. We pray. We make small talk. We pray. We watch. We photograph. We wait. We pray. We wait. We pray over the recovery room. We wait. The seconds literally tick by.<br />
A little after 3:00 am I hear the most beautiful sound. The scream of a newborn baby. We watch the doorway with anticipation and are filled with joy as the proud father walks into the room, pushing his precious baby girl in the bassinet with the hugest smile on his face. Kenny’s eyes are filled with love for his 3rd daughter but I can still see the pain and concern for his beautiful wife whom he left in the OR by herself. When Britni was rolled through those same doors she was alert, smiling the best she could and just trying to process the events of the past few moments. It was a whirlwind. It was a calculated frenzy to ensure a healthy baby. Britni was in the best of hands... and the best of Hands.<br />
This is only the beginning of “God’s Selah Story.” This story is just one of God’s miracles. This story isn’t just one miracle, it’s a string of them. Nurse Kelly is Britni’s Godly friend. Britni and I share this unique birth experience. The birth of a healthy baby. The love of a faithful husband. The skilled hands of nurses, midwifes and surgeons. The encouragement of Christian caregivers. The outpouring of love by concerned friends.<br />
I can see these amazing miracles (and I’m sure there are many more I can’t see) and how God orchestrated this precious event. What I’m still waiting to see, and it may not come here on earth is, “why?” I bet God has a really cool answer for that question. My own “why” questions after my “face presentation emergency c-section” experience are starting to be answered; so that I could walk alongside my dear friend 4 years later as she experienced this very same traumatic event.<br />
This is God’s plan and we can find peace knowing that “God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)<br />
-AlyssaAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-68088849788056758862011-06-13T06:43:00.000-05:002011-06-13T06:43:08.175-05:00Stretched to CapacityIt's 5am. I'm sitting in a hospital bed. Everything hurts. <br />
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And I am so happy...because I am finally <em>feeling</em> again. <br />
<br />
Apologies to those that have been checking in to read the story I promised many hours ago. Until this moment, I had no desire to find the words to use that would be required to tell the story of the past 48 hours. <br />
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I have been stretched by God in every way through this pregnancy. Seems silly that I thought He would be done once labor began. But He wasn't even close to done with me yet. I have been given the opportunity to grow in many ways over these past few days, and I wake up today with assurance that He will guide me through the healing and recovery I seek. <br />
<br />
During Mackenzi's hospitalization for her spinal tumor 2 years ago, I learned that putting words to the scary experience and sharing them with others through Caring Bridge was my coping mechanism. It was a way for me to process an event I couldn't quite comprehend in the moment. <br />
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Well, I'm going to try that again. I have a lot of processing to do. But first, I need a nap! The random 7 hours of sleep I have had since giving birth is not going to be enough to get me through this post! <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2sK3j0KyOSg/TfX3rk45giI/AAAAAAAADCI/iE13qnVbBKQ/s1600/Csection+pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2sK3j0KyOSg/TfX3rk45giI/AAAAAAAADCI/iE13qnVbBKQ/s320/Csection+pic.jpg" t8="true" width="320" /></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-75623157082080407162011-06-12T23:53:00.002-05:002011-06-13T06:03:20.464-05:00Selah<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">(This post is written by Brit's amazing friend "A")</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <strong><span style="font-size: large;">Selah Nash</span></strong></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">"Be still and listen." </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Born 6.11.11</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">3:01am</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">7lbs 14 oz</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">19.5 inches</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Her name was placed on Brit's heart months ago and now as she holds this precious baby in her arms, this gift from God could not have been more perfectly named.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">She is peaceful and snuggly. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">She's a good nurser and a good pooper.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Selah fits perfectly in her mothers arms and nuzzles in her neck.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">When mom or dad speak she strains to look at them.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">She is alert and doesn't want to miss a beat.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">She wears at least 3 outfits a day and already has 4 huge floral headbands.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Her dark hair is thick and fluffy.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Mom is glowing and Dad's face shows nothing but pride.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-o4l7xLfBcoQ/TfWR4tXiPyI/AAAAAAAADB8/VXbJJQ7wijg/s1600/Selah+face.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-o4l7xLfBcoQ/TfWR4tXiPyI/AAAAAAAADB8/VXbJJQ7wijg/s320/Selah+face.jpg" t8="true" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Although the delivery did not go as planned, this baby is exactly what God has planned.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Selah is healthy and strong. Mom is on the road to recovery. The hospital staff are empathetic, attentive and compassionate. The room is filled with prayer, laughter, tears, farts, joy, music, pizza, friends, family, diet coke, double stuffed el fudge, cameras, a fan, gift bags, redbox movies and pink blankets. Most of all her room is filled with love. Their cups are overflowing. Thank you Lord for this precious miracle. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="168" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9YHTYvBXgI0/TfWSCKPC9UI/AAAAAAAADCA/nYorMIMKYK4/s320/SELAH.jpg" t8="true" width="320" /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-57086386286317998362011-06-11T05:08:00.001-05:002011-06-11T05:08:19.413-05:00Baby...Has arrived! 7lbs 14 oz...that's all the details for now! Not the way we planned, Brit was rushed to an emergency c-section. It all happened so fast, I'm not really sure what to say. We can post more after talking with the staff tomorrow. For now, Brit needs to just recover from another traumatic delivery. Visitors will be welcome on Sunday! <br/> <br/> <div style='clear: both; text-align: center; font-size: xx-small;'>Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-24377309960036144032011-06-11T01:31:00.002-05:002011-06-11T12:55:30.636-05:00We are at the Hospital!We arrived at the hospital just after midnight. Contractions have been going steady for a few hours. Her water has broken and things have started getting intense. Looks like she's ready to go, just waiting for baby to drop. Can't wait to meet our new blessing!<br />
~Kenny<br />
<div style="clear: both; font-size: xx-small; text-align: center;">Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-3685828632121555812011-06-09T15:46:00.000-05:002011-06-09T15:46:48.629-05:00And...Still waiting! I can't believe I have still not met this little one. This is my 4th full term pregnancy and I never guessed it would be the longest! The other kids came 3,2, and 1 week early. The last few days have been an emotional and physical roller coaster as we have thought "THIS IS IT" at least 5 times. The contractions are intense, but inconsistent. Just more practice apparently! I was 5cm at my midwife appt. on Wednesday...the appt. she said I wouldn't make it to cause I would for sure have a baby by then. Hah! This baby has a mind of it's own already, oh boy. <br />
<br />
The good news is, I think we have the names figured out now. I think. The girl name has been on our heart since we first learned of this surprise, and it just feels right! The boy name is a little bit tougher, but I'm pretty sure we will know once we see the baby. I can't wait to post the meanings behind the name once baby is here! Possibly later today?!?! <br />
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So more waiting for the Nash family...and more prayer that baby come before the big move in 5 days!!!<br />
<br />
I can't believe I'm about to have a baby...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-74756082998625651032011-05-24T17:12:00.000-05:002011-05-24T17:12:44.708-05:00It's official!!!Woah....posting twice in one week. This is wierd! Anyways...<br />
<br />
It's absolutely official. We are <em>physically </em>ready for BABY! As in, we have the "supplies needed to support a newborn within our apartment walls." It doesn't look like anything I imagined, but it works. There is a place for baby to sleep, there is a place to store 4, maybe 5 outfits (better be a boy!), and there is a cheap/crappy diaper organizer thingy hanging on the wall. Yep, it's our 4th child. I can't help but laugh when I think back to the room we had created for our FIRST born! My how things have changed...<br />
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Working on transparency, I must admit that I still struggle with the arrival of this baby mentally. I can not say that I am ready. I have been on my knees many times in the past few weeks asking for God to change my heart. I have moments throughout the day when I honestly forget I am pregnant, and if you could see a picture of me right now, that would probably blow your mind! I have tried so many things to connect with this SURPRISE...purposefully buying maternity clothes that say things like "Baby", making a shirt that says "Due in June" (not so much for other people, but really a reminder for myself), buying things the baby will need, researching names, setting up the room, working on a birth plan. But something is still missing. And it's a very unsettling feeling to know that. My sweet husband has even gone as far as buying me "Countdown Gifts", which he gives me each Friday when I get one week closer to the due date. It's not working, but don't tell him that! I LOVE the gifts!! <br />
<br />
So there it is...honest and raw. I am 3cm dialated, 50% efaced. There is a baby coming at any moment. And I'm scared. Will I love this baby once I am holding it in my arms? Am I not allowing myself to connect with this blessing just because I didn't ask for it? Did the birthing experience with Graham screw me up forever? Or is God just teaching me to be patient, forcing me to rely on Him and His plan...and to trust that I will soon have an answer to all of this. <br />
<br />
James 1:2-4 (The Message)<br />
<br />
Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-14441110672946641882011-05-22T17:59:00.001-05:002011-05-22T17:59:52.891-05:00NestingIs there anything better than that nesting that hits you when you're pregnant?? I honestly amaze myself with what I get done during one of my "episodes." I suppose today's episode was brought on with a little pressure...I have been tortured with those ridiculously painful and annoying contractions you get the few weeks before baby arrives so your body can "practice." Um...seriously...this is my body's 5th experience with a baby, does it really need to practice again??? <br/> <br/> Oh yeah, and we're moving in 3 weeks. <br/> <br/> So life for the Nash family is absolutely crazy these days as we wait for the little blessing God decided we needed and get ready to move once again! <br/> <br/> God is so, so good my friends. I just can't help but smile today :)<div style='clear: both; text-align: center; font-size: xx-small;'>Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-36805478934391781812011-04-22T16:26:00.002-05:002011-05-24T17:24:03.901-05:00SurrenderSo our season of pruning has passed, and I now find myself knee-deep in surrender! First, an update on my last post:<br />
<br />
Home- We are not where we hoped we'd be when we started this crazy journey of moving, but it's not in our hands and it's just the way it is. We had to move to an apartment for a while until the details of our future home can be worked out. It's completely inconvenient, expensive, and far away from our daily activities...but it works. I am learning to live off the bare necessities, so that has been kinda cool. But I really want to be in my "home". If I had known 6 months ago when we first started this process that the plan would drastically change, I'm not sure I would have chosen this particular path. A family of 5(very soon to be 6) living in a 2 bedroom is not the easiest way to live, but I have enjoyed the closeness with my family. The most recent "Move-in Day" delay came as quite a surprise, and it now looks as though we won't be able to move in until the weekend the baby is due. My first reaction was sadness, how could we bring a brand new baby back to our tiny apartment? Where will the baby sleep? That's not what it was supposed to look like. And then I think about Jesus...he was born in a stable! I like to be in control, have an agenda, and have things go according to plan. Ha! Not this time...<br />
<br />
Kids- <br />
T had a few good weeks in a row and it was so refreshing to get to know her in a different way! She was happy for the first time in months, and the EBD symptoms were much more under control. Unfortunately, it was a short phase, and we are now seeing the symptoms at their worst. She continues to be different than the other kids her age in more obvious ways every day, and her emotions spiral out of control quicker than ever before. She spends a lot of her time in a "safe place"...corners of rooms, under tables, inside tents. We were hoping to get therapies started with the new school district once we moved, but the moving delay has set us back a few months. So for now, we educate ourselves on this issue by reading books and talking to other parents in our shoes. We often talk about taking her to a Child Psychologist like we were recommended, but we are selfishly fearful of going down that path already. <br />
<br />
K had her spinal scans and looks great!!! No signs of a returning tumor, and her vertebrae continue to regrow! Her complications are not symptoms of another tumor, but probably have more to do with her surgery. She will be seeing her urologist soon to get those issues taken care of and addressed. Hooray!<br />
<br />
G is now our walking MONSTER!!!! He lives to eat, destroy, and bug Tori. He makes us laugh every day, I never imagined I'd have a child like this. Our soon to arrive baby doesn't stand a chance...<br />
<br />
Homeschool- I don't even know where to begin!!! This will need to be covered in a future post. We just attended the big MACHE conference for christian homeschoolers in MN and it was life changing. Lots to share...hopefully soon! Haha<br />
<br />
SO back to surrender...<br />
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The crown I feel called to wear right now is surrender. I hear the word in scripture, music, and through conversations with people I truly respect almost every day! I don't struggle with surrending most of my life, but I find that I am hanging on to a few things. And this surprise baby makes the top of this list.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-923691886039482602011-04-11T18:28:00.000-05:002011-04-11T18:28:02.402-05:00Check-inSo the other day I had a much needed "check-in" with God. I am leading an amazing group of women through the Margaret Feinberg bible study, <u>The Sacred Echo.</u> If you haven't read it, I encourage you to! She talks about listening for God's calling in your life through the echos and repetition you see and hear throughout the day. One of my echos has been this blog. I started it with great intentions, a place to post new family pics and share with friends and fmaily about the latest adventures of our crazy family. But it turned into a place of complete transparency as we dealt with a series of difficult circumstances. I found my fingers typing words that were not coming from my mind, but my soul. I would pour out my private thoughts for all the world (ok...maybe the 3 people that <em>sometimes</em> read this!) to read, and then wonder who on earth could have written such raw thoughts after hitting save. After a while, and a period of intense testing by God, I allowed myself to get distracted from my blog and to put my words in other places. Well, I am writing today, completely convicted of a "Sacred Echo", and promising to return to this blog and share my faith with others. I don't always know what that means, but I trust that God will lay it out for me in the days to come. <br />
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So here I go again...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1925083901661369284.post-60024474466005003752011-02-02T10:35:00.000-06:002011-02-02T10:35:59.207-06:00Living in the presentThis past month has been another season of pruning for our family! We continue to stand amazed by what God's plan is for our family and united we attempt to navigate through the obstacles He has placed before us. <br />
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We are working on patience as we wait for our housing situation to be clear. I like to plan and I do much better when I have specific dates for major events...like moving...so this has been difficult for me! I wonder if we will be in our new home before my next blog post?!<br />
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Our sweet daughter T was diagnosed with special needs this week, and we work on seeking wisdom as we learn about her disorder and how this changes our life. We are blessed to have many people that care about her and want the best for her, but it can be confusing to hear differing opinions on her treatment. I was reminded by a dear friend that God made her EXACTLY the way He wanted her to be, and I am just going to focus on that for awhile! <br />
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We work on trust as we continue to go through this unexpected pregnancy. We had our 20 week ultrasound this week and saw the amazing heart beat of a baby that was created for a reason. I will be honest and say that I am still unsettled about this pregnancy, but there was a split second during the ultrasound where I finally felt some compassion for this crazy plan of His! It is officially a baby, boy or girl we don't know. Since this was not our plan, we decided to stay out of it...until baby arrives and then I really don't have a choice!<br />
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Today, I work on boldness and faith as I go to our first real homeschooling event! Mackenzi is beyond excited, I am feeling a little nervous. I know I am called to walk into this crazy journey with our kids, but it's never easy to do it alone. I am anxious to meet the people that I may spend the rest of my life sharing stories and ideas with, and hopeful that it will be the perfect place for the Nash kids!<br />
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Today, we also deal with sadness. 2 years ago today, we lost a baby boy we had named Tyler. He was a wonderful blessing in our life as we journeyed through Mackenzi's tumor diagnosis, and I still struggle with why we weren't allowed to keep him forever. Pregnant again with a child we didn't plan on makes it all that more confusing. <br />
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Tomorrow we will celebrate with joy because Graham turns ONE!!! He is the happiest, chubbiest, most curious little boy and I can't imagine loving a baby more! I am exhausted just watching him sleep, he truly is an active little guy. I am amazed at how different each gift from God is created, and grateful to be given a child like Graham! Pure Joy!<br />
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And in a few days, we will work on trust some more as Mackenzi goes into the hospital for her yearly CT and MRI. It has been 2 years since doctors removed a tumor from her spine, and we continue to pray for God to heal her body and keep the tumor away. We are a little nervous because of some symptoms she is experiencing, but it could be nothing! She is a very brave little girl!!<br />
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So for now the Nash's focus on living in the present and getting through each day. God is with us now and isn't worried about the past or future, so we work on growing the fruit of the spirit and put our trust in Him every morning! Lots of answered prayers in next months post...just don't know how they will be asnwered! Kind of exciting...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15940985546707643811noreply@blogger.com